The Lovely Elf-Chick Security Guard

04-03-2011, 10:09 PM
TheMisfortuneTeller
Haunting Spirit
Join Date: March 2011
Posts 63

You misunderstand. Not poetry devoted to her, but a polemic aimed at her. Therein lies a world of difference. I guess I'd better try again with:

"The Lovely Elf-Chick Security Guard"

I didn't see The Lovely Fossil movie.
The subject of the film did not appeal.
Dead girls reanimated "up in heaven"?
You must be joking, Peter. Please get real.

And now you want to screw up Tolkien's Hobbit
By writing in a role that isn't clear?
Just for an actress who has played a dead girl?
(And not to great success, or so I hear.)

I know you'd like to make a ton of money
With all the franchise toys and games and such.
But elf-chick Barbie Dolls sold at McDonalds?
You really don't think that's a bit too much?

And what gives with this Young Elf Lord we've heard of?
Her "secret" love for him just reeks of cheese.
The last we heard he had a Dwarf companion
Whom he preferred to everything but trees.

So after she's killed Smaug and giant spiders;
Slayed orcs and goblins, wargs, and evil men,
While saving Middle Earth and Bilbo Baggins
And Gandalf and some Dwarves -- what happens then?

It seems that you don't have much of a story
From which to make two films where one would do
And therefore need "additions" to "improve" things
To which this Tolkien "purist" says: screw you!